over again

out of breath
still waiting for you to get the words that ive said
and they say theyve never seen you like this
so tired of losing that you're on your knees

but why does that bother me?
more than this illness thats plaguing me
more than the girl who built up walls for you to stand against
only to fall through on her defense

where are you?
when i only stand up to sit back down
always feeling ahead, yet keeping my mouth shut
he agreed; im smarter than i think

then you stole my brother
fucked over my sister
only to try to make a lover of my mother
still stuck on repeating my words as if this is the first

how many goodbyes does it take to get it right?
its ironic that without a father, ive made it alright