the masochism in believing you could change

i guess i just made myself believe
that i just wanted to avoid going on a limb
that id rather watch my heart bend
than to force it to move in the right direction

but being here now,
i have to question what i was thinking
why i brought my heart to this place
just to shine the light on all the bleeding

and where did i lose my feeting?
why did i think it was all alright
to let my heart stop beating
and to hate who i am at night

and they said my future was bright
along with a string of empty promises
like how you wanna see me more
i just need to find a way to love you more

and maybe thats where my heart was tore
towards the end
where memories bend
to lend a helping hand

in where you found i was never what i meant
let everything you say leave me unkempt
when everything i said was found just as bent
as my heart slid

from hands that dropped it
as carelessly as they found it
now you say you hate me for it?
for what i did?

the best idea i ever ever had
the best thing i ever did
when i put myself ahead
of everything you ever said

im more than that-
then you pulled me back
and i question what i am
when everything i have is what i always had