kept a secret that tore out your heart

you said you loved my poetry
that it made you feel something
you didnt know could be

and you used to watch your heart bleed
watch it fall out of everything
and right back into the sea

im sorry for the things i made you believe
that my heart could surpass those boundaries
which relegated us to a set destiny

but love is not what you think it means
it is hard pressed and found in between
not all twinkling lights and golden rings

and i thought about the stars that night
the lacking in the sky and how i missed the bright
but i guess things arent always in plain sight

all the rain makes me want to close my eyes
it makes me hate something
i cant see even in the light

because brown eyes are battlefields
they stop time
while blue eyes watch yours lie

and see how every word realines
ill be watching him light cigarette after cigarette
and follow every inhale with a regret

saying he recognizes they all repeat
that they piled up
so they could pull him to his knees

and he said theres things we cant make sense of
that he didnt know what was enough
but disregarded me when i said love

and maybe its not the same
but we get the point
and it hasnt been that long
but only because we knew it was wrong

and we keep asking what its going to take
keep catching you in lies
saying bullshit we all know is fake

and i dont know where ill find you today
if youll come back and say youve changed
or if ill find you by another lake

and i know i said i was okay
but i have to wonder if im really not
if everything youve ever done is what has my heart in knots

and i know i said i dont trust you
but youve always known how to make my heart rot
and ill spare you the lie of one more time

im really alright