how we were

and maybe im not who i thought i was
though i cant seem to place the problem in it
we're not always who we thought we would be
but i think theres beauty in what we learn when we finally see

i forever wish i could write you the greatest love letter
but everything i can say seems weak or fake
.or belated
when i cant seem to find the words until the feeling has faded

i remember the last time we spoke
although a while ago
and memories choppy and spaced
i remember i asked you to tell me what you hated

it was a saturday night... i think...
you told me i was jaded
and i tried to explain it away
but failed... changed the subject; your heart is silver plated

i told you we like wars
with ourselves and with each other
most of the time, people would say i lose
but i dont know how i didnt win when i have the bruise

and i cant say im sorry
cause we're not all robots
you want to make up for lost time
but you missed your shot

every single one ive given you
youve given me something to regret
sharing too much
with someone with too little to have ever met

me in the middle
so sure
but you said what i want is too obscure
relapsing back to what is pure

and i thought i told you
im pretty sure i did
that i want you
however unrealistic, it was true

distance fucks us over
i only want you more now that were over

i told you i love you cause i meant it
the past leaves us too unkempt
to throw words around when theyre not meant

and i miss you
however lame that seems
you were always the one
to be able to rip apart my seams
and throw me back in the sea

and cause i know youre lovely
i could forget the things
you did which broke me
and i hope you miss me
that you feel something missing
or that youre at least listening
let me know that i am winning