he said "did i hurt you?"

and in response
it was how could you expect not to?
when the strings unravel
just enough to fuck what we wanted
im too charismatic
i know what i want
and you know what you want
and i know its not me
so maybe i dont really know who to be
or just someone who wasnt even afforded a chance
stupid enough to fall for a drunken romance
sleazy when the feelings are easy

youre too tempting when you look at me side ways
half smile cause i'll never have it my way
and you said i looked sad because how could i not be
i asked you a simple question but you couldnt answer me
let this lead to stomach uneasy
thoughts in my head strung across unpleasing
and everything i built up demolished
just fucking tumbled
not who i wanted to be here
have to call back home
despite hating the way "i miss you" sounds on my tongue

i tore apart my own safety net
wanting answers i should have never expected to get
maybe im much more like him than i thought
too damn lost to not care about who we are
we need to have some sliver of clarity
or have the slightest clue as to what we want to do
you knew what you wanted to do
we didnt talk about it because it was too deep
but past leaves you more than unkempt
it molds who you are more than just bend
aside from just keeping you up in bed

i remember that bed
too clearly for thoughts as weary
i hated that tent
everything it stood for
him telling me he wanted me back
that he wanted to kiss me
not knowing what i lack
cause hes too perfect to understand what we cant have
maybe that why i like you instead
someone with ideals and plans
to suspend how we impact what we can
hearing you talk about it broke my heart
knowing who i cant be
someone not lovely enough for you to love me

maybe i disregarded what was spent
tried to fake the realization
that there was something there
i turned greedy
wanted you more than i could have
i took advantage
but oppurtunity would not rise under any other occasion
wanted something to write about
because im incapable of loving myself