"and we see in the same eyes"

tell me what you want
too lost in what you dont say
to understand what you mean
when you speak words passive aggresively
will always love you cause youre lovely
but you cant speak up loud enough
and i can't make you hear me
four hundred miles apart
only barely too far
to leave anything to chance
to fall for a star

and that first night we kissed
it meant all too much
too much to say that you were something i couldnt miss
and why i told you it couldnt happen
so plaster me to the back of your mind
whatever we can do to buy some time
love you all too much to say i dont care
and even more that the distance doesnt wear

im sorry if you know what you shouldnt
that i broke a promise
some bond between us i normally wouldnt
and even more
i feel so awful doing it to him
but there are things out of our control
we can only try to mend
i tried to hold myself back
you should know every bit of the truth
that i love her
even though i love you

and i want you to know that i still draw smoke
imagine the same sort of halo
cast over you
like the night in the back of my car
ive told that story a million times since ive been here
and yet never too much
to say that that was when i truly and honestly fell in love with you
but the drunken part of me made me second guess what my heart believes
and then again when i read about your virginity
how you felt your last bit of sanctity ripping
it tore apart the seams
and fucked everything i wanted to be

i loved you then as i love you now
however fucking shallow
i think youre gorgeous
and i miss every piece of you
golden skin wrapped around me
even when i said i hated it
i loved how you held me when we slept
like you needed me
though at the time i disregarded you as a baby
i could never say i haven't loved you lately

and i cant say it doesnt bother me
that you think my little brother just as lovely
and how he thinks he holds some sort of claim over you
not knowing that i want you for me
and i dont want you to be happy for me
i want you to be happy with me
think youre lovely despite what it may seem
if everything i said to her made you question
when you said everything happened for a reason
and we're not meant to be together
but fuck that
i want you
however untrue it may seem
there are things i wanted to say
but they were too surprising
even for me