did you know you would regret it or did you not want to be one?

its harder to write when memories are hazy
or maybe when the writer is lazy

i know who i am
thats not the question
but who i am when im not who i want to be
is a good reason to disregard the drunken version of me
i know i wasnt who i wanted to be
i had the plan
it just didn't carry

and now im so lost
dont know who i am
but i know who im not
because i dragged you down with me
just as gone
as i had been
when you had won

but thats not meant to make you believe that i didnt want it too
i told you how i felt about regret
and theres nothing new
im just questioning your motives now
if that was what you really wanted
or just how it went down

then i saw the way you looked at me
made me question what i make myself believe
like that im not enough against you telling me
so maybe i psyched myself out for nothing
let my insecurities get the best of me
despite you saying my beauty is easy

and ill say i took the chance
because another was unlikely
though you say you think im lovely

...or maybe i was right from the beginning
 when i knew i wasnt lovely enough for you to love me