They say all my searches for truth will end in fruit, but the signs leading me there make my head hurt causing countless nights staying up reminding myself of who I really am and what I lack. I used to be fine with that, but what happens when the photos scattered on your floor aren't me anymore? I don't want to lose, but i understand that's a habit of mine, something I can't break, something that causes me to break. Maybe you were right in your decision, the decision to be safe; not taking any chances on a girl who doesn't take chances and dwells far too much in self loathing to love you like you should be. I would say that, however I know I'm only talking myself into believing that you're getting what you deserve with her- that all this hurt I feel right now will fade and what I said to you just a few nights ago will be just like any other day.
Others are taking chances and getting hurt, like trying to fly just after your mother gave birth. Sometimes we forget we're not birds and we need to learn. We need to grow and get stronger and prepare ourselves. You don't know me, but I never prepare, leaving a laundry list of mistakes like shards of glass, breaking skin, and falling for someone. I'm completely hopeless. Today, I thought, maybe I'd be less hopeless if I went to church and gave myself to God and put my mind on something else, however the whole sermon, my head was spinning circles, dancing thoughts of being naked and honest and loved and loving in the purest sense; in the sense that maybe it was all right because it was you. I know God hates me for my impure thoughts. I tried to subdue, I tried to dilute, but it was you.
And just how do you expect me to get over that? Gazing out my window, I forget I'm driving and headlights blind me, but all I think about is how nice it is out and how beautiful the sky and stars are and wonder what it would be like on any other planet right now, in any other dimension. If everything was alright and everyone is happy and I hope everything isn't always as they seem because it seems all my ventures to get over you arent working.
Others are taking chances and getting hurt, like trying to fly just after your mother gave birth. Sometimes we forget we're not birds and we need to learn. We need to grow and get stronger and prepare ourselves. You don't know me, but I never prepare, leaving a laundry list of mistakes like shards of glass, breaking skin, and falling for someone. I'm completely hopeless. Today, I thought, maybe I'd be less hopeless if I went to church and gave myself to God and put my mind on something else, however the whole sermon, my head was spinning circles, dancing thoughts of being naked and honest and loved and loving in the purest sense; in the sense that maybe it was all right because it was you. I know God hates me for my impure thoughts. I tried to subdue, I tried to dilute, but it was you.
And just how do you expect me to get over that? Gazing out my window, I forget I'm driving and headlights blind me, but all I think about is how nice it is out and how beautiful the sky and stars are and wonder what it would be like on any other planet right now, in any other dimension. If everything was alright and everyone is happy and I hope everything isn't always as they seem because it seems all my ventures to get over you arent working.
No comments:
Post a Comment