this song is overplayed.
and my heart has overstayed

honestly, you could never make me feel worse about myself than i do. than right now. this darkness reiterates the intensity that is my loss and loneliness. even with a mother's death, i feel more lacking. as if shes impacted me more than i could have ever expected. someone i have never met.
i made an idiot of myself. thinking that was what you wanted. carefree. but truthfully, i am not to be the type that is careless. rather, i am careful and concerned as to what everyone is thinking about me every moment of everyday and once i feel content, i only feel lost again. my blue isnt blue enough, my heart isnt open enough, and my thoughts arent deep enough. i care too much.
while my head is in the future, i am afraid i will never make it there. the past will get the best of me again and maybe next time, i wont make it. i wont awake again with that same nauseating feeling.
bed for a week makes my heart weak. i never thought about what it means, but now i realize this illness is stronger than ever. whenever i believe that everything is perfect, its only a facade. my heart is gone.