the end isnt permanent

whats the line between life and death?
i know its something ive crossed in my head
the cross says its permanent
and its hell if you pursued it

but does that really make me something less?
just trying to get closer to where im really meant
do i feel more once it is met?
or will i still be fighting, hands tied in another net?

i was always told that white is pure
leading me to believe that crimson is cure
and i shall be wrapped in silk
as if my body is more

but they told me if i were lighter
things would be brighter
leading me to starve myself
proving i was never a fighter

so ill pull this noose tighter
glad that i was never lighter
glad hanging made me matter
more than words that shatter

christ lied
heaven hurts
questioning what
we fought for.