who we think we wanna be

i think i have too much to say
the words pile up

and maybe im drowning
in what i thought i would be
and disregarding all the things
i know we could be
because i know its nothing

but im like a kid
imagining things
playing with ideas
when the truth abandons me
because its hurting

and i recognize im moving
too fast and too young
but i make a habit of that
growing up too soon
when we hate the things we lack

but maybe i can draw a map
on bronzed skin
for a summer
that will bring me back
hope thats where my heart is at

i guess im wondering what this means
staying up all night
trying to cut the strings
and tie a knot around damaging things
people who knock you down to your knees

and forget the things you said to me
out of anger and hurt
i know now what i kept myself from realizing
i broke myself down
because i didnt want to admit who i can be

that theres things we bury deep
and try to hide like a shameful baby
but i didnt realize what you are to me
trying to say goodbye
but never taking the leap

because goodbye is scary
when youre leaving behind everything
and the people who loved me
they cried theirselves to sleep
'wanting to be something they wont ever be'

but thats the thing about honesty
i wont ever know if you wont tell me.