I guess it was mostly just weird. Being on the other side of loving him. Seeing him after so long and remembering the way I loved him, but not feeling it.
He looks so different. Not in a bad way, just not the way I used to remember him. When he'd make me walk on clouds at the sight of his smile, now he's just... there.
And everything I held onto is lacking. Making me doubt the feelings I thought I had for him. But I have to wonder if its because he changed or I did...
I know we grow up; thats not the problem. The problem is that I dont really know what happens to the things we used to die for.
I thought love was endless and that when things fall apart, my heart would pay a pension. Like an hourglass, slowly diminishing.
But the truth is, we dont hold onto the important things like we did in our youth. And that, instead of taking the blame, I'll put it on you.
And I hate myself for it, not being able to stand you, because we've switched positions. When you used to have control over everything, especially my heart.
So I dont know where that leaves us. Dont want to tell you goodbye, because I know there was a time when those words would bruise me.
But I can't feel the same way I did when I was a child. When I used to think I was so sure of myself. Of everything I wanted. And I wanted you, I know that. But looking back now, with no intentions of sounding apathetic, I dont know why.
Sure, theres a side of me thats probably spiteful. When you used to play with me, because my heart was full.
And I was a child, but I couldnt help that. When first love strikes where you least expect it. Like at a church stoop.
But I recognize that thats what boys are supposed to do. Teach you a lesson. Teach you to respect yourself enough to not love honestly, but to play games. But my heart refrains. And I get hurt more than I should, because my father taught me lies hurt. So I'm honest. And tell myself that the human race is beyond this.
But we're not. So I guess that sucks. And I'll forever trap my heart in my head. And think before I say what I feel.
Because why would I tell you that my love is real? I feel bad. The fact that my teeth let out the words before I think. That my heart speaks due to my overwhelming empathy.
You should know before we say goodbye- we create cycles. I lied and I broke a heart like you did.
And I'm sorry. We made plans with no intentions of fulfilling them. Because I cannot look into green eyes without green eyes.
But a paragraph is pushing it. I dont feel the same. The end.
He looks so different. Not in a bad way, just not the way I used to remember him. When he'd make me walk on clouds at the sight of his smile, now he's just... there.
And everything I held onto is lacking. Making me doubt the feelings I thought I had for him. But I have to wonder if its because he changed or I did...
I know we grow up; thats not the problem. The problem is that I dont really know what happens to the things we used to die for.
I thought love was endless and that when things fall apart, my heart would pay a pension. Like an hourglass, slowly diminishing.
But the truth is, we dont hold onto the important things like we did in our youth. And that, instead of taking the blame, I'll put it on you.
And I hate myself for it, not being able to stand you, because we've switched positions. When you used to have control over everything, especially my heart.
So I dont know where that leaves us. Dont want to tell you goodbye, because I know there was a time when those words would bruise me.
But I can't feel the same way I did when I was a child. When I used to think I was so sure of myself. Of everything I wanted. And I wanted you, I know that. But looking back now, with no intentions of sounding apathetic, I dont know why.
Sure, theres a side of me thats probably spiteful. When you used to play with me, because my heart was full.
And I was a child, but I couldnt help that. When first love strikes where you least expect it. Like at a church stoop.
But I recognize that thats what boys are supposed to do. Teach you a lesson. Teach you to respect yourself enough to not love honestly, but to play games. But my heart refrains. And I get hurt more than I should, because my father taught me lies hurt. So I'm honest. And tell myself that the human race is beyond this.
But we're not. So I guess that sucks. And I'll forever trap my heart in my head. And think before I say what I feel.
Because why would I tell you that my love is real? I feel bad. The fact that my teeth let out the words before I think. That my heart speaks due to my overwhelming empathy.
You should know before we say goodbye- we create cycles. I lied and I broke a heart like you did.
And I'm sorry. We made plans with no intentions of fulfilling them. Because I cannot look into green eyes without green eyes.
But a paragraph is pushing it. I dont feel the same. The end.
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