no gods, no masters

You were too proud for my stomach
When you said You are so good at swearing to them
You are forced upon this bottomless feeling
Of powerlessness, self loathing, then a pinch of courage that keeps you going
Only to falter again
But you dont have answers to my questions
Innocent strangers too ignorant to ask why
You say you care
Youre so good at faking it
Know youve won when i break eye contact

I used to oblige
Say that its alright
And cuddle up on the couch
When i could fit in your arms
And Your dissapearances were a consistent mystery
Makes me sick when i think the worst
I would walk a labyrinth back home alone
My feets unfamiliar distance
And i remember burning my finger tips
huddled by the radiator with my sister
As we wonder where you were
You were a stranger then and now only more

you dont try to hide it though
Not in white envelopes like before
I would trace graphite letters
Looking for a way i could relate
Where we both capitalize our R's
promise not to make the same mistakes
And i tell myself not to fall for it
Blend in the cursive spelling out,
i refuse to respond when i wrote the date, but struggle on the address
An unexpected fate
I cant fake interest
In a man who uses his children as bait
Its as if we only exist for your benefit
And im so sick of claiming im over it
That ive broken down too much to still obsess over this idea that you promised
We will be happier than the present tense
I just needed your presence