for three months ive grown, too

I knew better

Though i wish i didnt
And im begging to open up about it
But this feels different
I tried to talk to someone
But they felt unrelated
Not the response i was hoping for

I know trying to relate is a masochistic chore

I dont know what to say about it
Can relay the facts
But explaining how i feel
I claim a detachment
And even standing in front of you
I felt awkward like a stranger

Your face looked different
The light in your eyes didnt change
But the conversation did
Feeling nausea over your day to day decisions

Not the same as when i was a kid
And we were closer than i can imagine now
Realization poured in years ago
And it still makes me sick

You were never what you said you would be
I take honesty to the extremes
But like you, cant keep to anything i said i wanted
I know im shitty, but i let them know it.

But you still fake it
And i dont know how to fake the same
Twisted relationships my brothers and sister somehow can
The idea is so innocent in nature
But it just seems like cruel punishment
Feeling a hopelessness i know i shouldnt