told you id let it go

right now im cursing myself
wondering what i was thinking
hating myself for who i was being

guess i led you on...
the way you talked
i thought it didnt matter
or that it mattered less to you than it did to me
that it didnt mean anything
but youre following me

youre not who i wanted you to be
i told you i was a bad person
so fuck me in spite of my honesty

you said you were different
that you knew your place
and i made a mistake
assuming you understood
exactly where we stood

and it wasnt holding hands
or looking into eachothers eyes
but i figured it out by the end of the night

maybe i took it too far
and let you sink too comfortably
in the seat beside me
when i was really trying to walk away
watching my attempt fail in the shallow day

and you didnt move your hand
not like i expected
when two turned into three
maybe it should have been me
and maybe i should learn to leave

so do you really know where two people have to stand?
when one will be across state lines
probably before its time
and its not alright
because you said you didnt mind
when i lied

i dont want this

its exactly what i tried to avoid with him
not knowing another cigarette would leave me out on a limb
your mouth tasted like coffee
and i liked it in the most poetic sense
always wanted it
but never realized kisses cause wishes
tumbling like promises
after i break them