in spite of

i know youll hate me
but my lips are burning

and i could explain away
saying you never cared to clarify
until after you watched me rip apart your safety net
i asked what you wanted from me
you said you have what you need
and that it didnt matter as long as i was happy

but are you happy?
are you content with the way your hearts been spent?
i gave it away
and let me clarify, that i told you i wanted to stay
but only as long as you needed me, or wanted me
and you failed to tell me you would care when i leave

so forgive me
...or not
because we were both at fault
i guess i knew the truth,
and that i antagonized the collapse of my heart, i suppose
but theres something to be said about honesty
whether or not i knew without you telling me
you should have expected
and you should have held me down and told me you want me
that this wasnt just for my body
which i never failed to sacrifice for your using

and i would cry
but i know i would be crying for the old you
one that was more bold and less cold
i should have went home

its not a question anymore to be asked
he did a poor job at explaining it away
but i still let him stay
and told him id let him have me anyway

i disregarded your face
you said you wanted to kiss me
but the point was empty
so im glad you didnt tell me goodbye in our special way
the way in which you hold my face
and tell me you had a good time today

i couldnt have dealt
the way you can make my heart melt...
i know im probably self destructing
that i take advantage of the things you tell me
but you said if it made me happy...
the only thing that could break me
is staying

id rather let him have his way with me
and break all the careless things
so i could lighten what ill have to carry
in two months when youll say goodbye to me
and hate me for my belated honesty
could say i loved you madly
but you know you could never have me