little things

who are we?
and what does that make us?
the fogs of breath
as it escapes us

they said i used to be happy like her
and i wondered where that went
but i dont feel that way anymore
i see it in me again

cause i am content
breathing well spent
still can remember everyday i spent bent
wondering why i thought that was where my thoughts should have went

havent told you i loved you in a real long time

and im sorry for that
the memories flashing back
reminding me of what we lack

it seems like time
has no rhyme
not like it used to

and those eyes in green, blue?
i thought i remembered you...
but i guess its been a year or two

i guess its been a real long time
found the rhythm
but missed the flight

but i still cant wrap my heart around
what you said that night
cant believe the words came out right

cant believe it was goodbye
still cant believe it was all a lie
recreating the way we'd lie

do you remember what it was like?

wake you up with all the things that i still havent said

tell me the ends dont justify
as we're pacing circles around goodbye
then we preface things with "if"
when we already know what the answer is

and im sorry
holding onto the apologies
until i can muster up the courage
to steal your heart and run away with it

not sure where i ever saw the point
in telling you i loved you
in taking you to this point
so i can just as easily say "we're through"

then i told you that i was new
as if we could ever get past the two
the letter
with messy, cursive letters

when i cursed you
to "better"
better than me
the tears i can see

because it was never true
i wasnt leaving you because i loved you
the one who was better was me
and im not sorry for what we couldnt be

stop trying, just believe

i took it for-granted
the buttons leading me back home
back to where my roots had grown

we lack the obsession
with pretty lines
scarred knees
and marks by our eyes

and we accentuate the worst
much like we do with our curves
but never our words

then we wonder why
we spent so much time
stressing rhymes
and finding the "perfect" light

but fuck that
everything will always be alright
the peppermint on your breath
and the blue in your eyes

and fuck hiding away
on days you want to cry
when you believe you will never be as sad
as you are tonight

cause things can always get better
than they are right now
when youve hit rock bottom
youre the most beautiful girl in town

so smile
and tell me that you love me
cause even when im three hundred miles away
youre where i want to be

shut up, you cant change your mind

yeah im pissed
that even after months
we still come back to this
as if nothing had ever happened?

maybe you dont remember
or maybe you just want to forget
the tendency to smoke too much
clouded your judgement

you shouldnt have come around
or bothered deducing my brother's lie
i dont want to talk to you
after what you said the last time

i dont think you get it
falling through on your own promises to yourself
and trying to tear down mine
we said goodbye

so what do you want from me?
you should know to expect nothing
i am content
you keep your own heart bent

there is nothing between
no need for apologies
or trying to string together memories
that dont mean a thing to me

sleepy head

on edge.

no doubt, the words dont match whats in my head

forcing myself to put down thoughts that dont exist

when there will always be something that i miss

i used to think pictures were for memories

never realizing they materialize my heart

as if what i feel isnt enough

and tears all of what i do remember apart

and i used to think that i did this for me

never realizing that it was to prove others i can bleed

and showcase who i am and what i lack

as if without my writing, i couldnt breathe

but now im noticing, that i am content

with no desire to throw that in your face

no desire to write poetry

to keep words and commemorate.

feeling like im being used

theres a sort of emptiness there
after i had been far too charitable with my heart
lost where i landed
not knowing where to start

i keep painting on my wrist
missing the sky
when it was an abyss
and hating you for running away with it

he asked me what the picture was of
i dont know.
i was hoping she would tell me
the sky is black

tell me why i dont hate that
or miss the stars floating back
you paint until the color is gone
hoping soon, the words will come

and bring me back to the right head space
hoping all these thoughts will as well erase

if youre not happy and you hurt this much...

i dont know where that leaves us?
the end?
but im still dreaming
sugary sweet
but hes still leaving

im dressing it up
dressing up the past
making sure we last
i knew it from the start
better never admitted it
the day we fell apart

we kept our tongues behind our teeth
trapping what we think
they say everyday is the start of something beautiful
but i feel sick
and alone

we're creating run on sentences
stringing words to help you believe in us
but just as we come together
we fall apart

sorry i invaded your kingdom

and i was there when the walls came tumbling
exposing your best and your worst fears
kneeling, holding, grasping at strings

pure as new born angel wings
but we've been holding in, break out
falling between the cracks about

you stare at the ocean
with stars in your eyes
tell me things get deeper

youve seen birds fly
say you hate you hate those sundays
when im not there

but tell me that you love me
dont ever refrain
because hiding away,

there is nothing to gain
and be honest
we're so far beyond this

when the clouds make marks in the sky
bear the reflection in glassy eyes
you know what to say

when the tides roll in
exposing what left
everything fragile and thin

talking to whats left of you
the sand which washed away
the beauty switched to bitter decay

poor old man told me life was just beginning

the butterflies were great while they lasted
but i dont really want them back again
because while it was nice
it wasnt me

im so much more
when im lonely
lacking is sweet
how can i write when it doesnt mean a thing?

im back:
praying for angel wings
causing scars
in the heat

i hope it didnt mean a thing
because he is no longer
what i need
sorry- now you can breathe

so alive

my heart is hardened
i cannot share what i do not feel
but i cannot tell you what you do not wish to hear

but if i keep quiet now
will you listen when i choose to speak
when i decide, something means anything to me

i dont want to hear it anymore
that we're all lacking
i dont want to recognize that we all could be more

last night meant nothing
i couldnt think
about anything aside from
i wont be here next week.

angel from hell

i feel like im only feigning it
like im holding on
because i spilled my heart
just like i did
when i gave him my innocence

so what does this mean?
is it the end for me?
like the boy who sits behind me
doesnt mean a thing?
oh god, that was embarrassing

its such a disappointment
that what he was to me
was just a filler
to get some sleep

but i know im going to need something
because daddy is back
for more than just a week

let me out, i cant breathe

are you okay?
i can see that youre scared
that youve considered
not being there

but i want you to know
that thats alright
i cant really blame you
i wont put up a fight

i just need to know
that this is what you want
that you wont tun around
and realize that you lost

because then ill be gone
as if this never meant a thing
as if we never met
as if you never gave me that ring

what is enough?

i keep going back to that
turning it over in my head
pushing toward what i lack

i guess i never knew what i had
until it was gone
regretting the facts

the colors all but blur
blinding me and binding me
as if the sheets were the cure

i dont want to be here
this state makes me dizzy
this state holds what i fear

these picture hurt
bringing back the worst
bringing back the memories

but never my world
you know thats what you were.

if you gotta go, then go; i couldnt change that

light shining between blackout curtains
the way they fit like a puzzle piece
illuminating her silhouette
filling gaps between the curves

i could never ask for more
blue eyes like oceans
i have no words
like when the sun meets shore

as i push the hair back
falling over her face
blue eyes shimmering like diamonds
and the rising and falling of her waist

i remember the way the sheets tangled
wrapping her up in beauty
hiding it away
begging her to stay

she doesnt sleep without a night light
says she likes the stars at night
they remind her of her garden
back home where her momma is

its not hard to figure out
but it consumes her
wondering what life is about
and how we'll find our way out

shes never prayed
said the cravings never stayed
and shes gone to church before
but the feelings always delayed

it brings me back to those sunday nights
telling her i loved her
but couldnt tell her why
the sympathetic look she gave

telling me shes sorry
she couldnt stay
cause her daddy told her he loved her too
once, but she realized what it meant today

it meant giving up
and she had to go
because if it wasnt tonight
shed never know

we're exactly where we're meant to be

all the lines sort of started to blur together
and turn grey with emptiness
like the feelings that i get
when i see you again

but i cant put together what happened
trying to string the lines
only to come up empty handed
as if i cant remember everything as it had been

the words seem so lack-luster
as if my feelings meant nothing
pulling at strings
to make you comprehend how he loved her

and how i cant bring it back
i screwed it all up
obsessing over the facts
that what we had would be over before we realized what we have

i keep telling myself
we're exactly where we're meant to be
but i feel like i damned myself
falling from cloud nine, to watch myself bleed

i fucked things up
mistaking that his love was something i didnt need
but i could never change the fact that
without him, i cant breathe

a fraudulent zodiac

i dont know what to do
holding me back
like a girl whose two

i keep reading her poetry
and her telling stories to keep her from crying
to keep her from a boy whose lying
and turning over what shes fighting

i hope i made you feel more
i hope i made you heal
imagining crosses where the bruises were bore
and where the skin was barely torn

regardless, though
i cant help but to feel something lacking
like everything i went through today
somehow had no backing

and in a year, when i leave
it will just be a tiny mark
like those pretty scars
littering skeleton arms