Spotless mind

 I have been a fortress for my vulnerabilities

And when I ask you to be a person who gives a shit about me
You say I should never expect empathy from any boy I hope to fuck
6 years
and I'm still not enough

You resent the things you do not shelter
You get angry at the curtains
I had a dream I was watering a dead garden
Then left the only flowers you gave me to rot on the table
By the time I leave you,
I am hanging affirmations in mirrors I'm too anxious to speak in front of
I am stumbling to recite that I am worthy of forgiveness and love

You told me
my body is a weapon
That I am hollow without
You've become so powerful with possession
I let you turn my fear into guilt
And feel embarrassed
for the struggles of my parents
But you steal my poetry to add depth to your music
And claim
you could be a hero when you want to be
Or If you cared enough about me
But you get spiteful when you're entitled
And its my fault for ruining things
So when you ask me why I'm smiling
I know it is yours to take
And personified then burned at the stake
A competition when love is faked

Last week You took everything with sentiment
And said you're going to erase my memory
But you left anything that doesn't serve your purpose
And I re-enact a Spotless Mind with trauma breaks

My therapist asks me if I feel safe
My family says it's nice to see me again
I go to Cambridge and dance in the rain
I drive up the coast of Maine in a hurricane
Then I hate myself for still being angry
That you were fools gold breaking my teeth