2 weeks in/drunk off 1 beer/friday spins

I would have said i love you
A long time ago
If i didnt know any better
My emotions are entrapment
And I dont want to be a heavy head on your pillow
Or a heavy heart on your weighted chest
When we're already pulled down by our past

I cant hate you for being honest
I can only resent her more for tearing apart your best
And dissapoint myself by moving too fast
Fuck i Only fall more in love before you can promise
But im trying not to make it a habit
To give you all of me before you can handle it
But you were more than i expected

Whispering words i should say definitively
But your presence means more to me
And im too tied up in what we were supposed to be
While you discourage the idea that this is enough for me

I dont know if it is
I dont really care at this point
Ill grip until callouses turn my hands rough
Run them over skin i have touched
for only barely two weeks
And im sure its enough
To feel like i have known you too well to make my stupid voice weak
I would tell you everything if i wasnt afraid
I would hear myself cracking
Breaking open to trace the lines on my limbs and what they all meant
We would deal with heartbreak in the same way
If i hadnt found a safer place

And im not talking about hiding or sulking or even burrying it deep
But coming to terms with damaging things
I was told were a problem for me
And i dont know if you have thought the same things
But i just really want you to share everything with me
Because i have never felt attached to someone so lovely

basement songs

I have always felt more comfortable naked
But my head feels nice on your soft chest
When i lay down to wrap around
I know that i can rest

I have always resented that i can take off my clothes but leave my make up
Smeared on pillowcases in sheets i have not felt safe in
But i feel your breath on my cheek
And do not hide from sunrays brushing my face where your hand runs to move my hair that covers my eyes
You say that im beautiful like that and inside

I have never mustered up the courage to compromise with a past i am unnecessarily embarrassed with
But i felt so intensely connected
Then you made me feel delicate
As if everything i have been through does not weigh me down
And though i still hate it
I no longer wrestle with the negativity that dulled me out or stole my crown

I had previously felt relegated to a loneliness due to lack of understanding
But i have never felt so sure of myself
Standing not stupidly too soon to be bare flesh
But confidently with my heart so honest

I have yet to have felt like i needed to compromise with myself in order to please you
And my heart flutters every time i know i can say what im thinking
without worrying we will rub against each other with friction
Or leave red, raw, cutting myself for lack of attention

Instead i press my lips against your skin
After i climb out of a hole i consistently hide in
Terrified the dirt under my fingertips
Displays more than my fear of attachment
When i know that everyone i love learns how to bury me in the end
Ill try harder to get past it
In hopes that my openness doesnt destroy me when i let you in

mute

i dont speak up with you
or anyone, anymore
i have only become more mute
sink in then fade out
ive lost interest
for feigning any kind of romanticism

i remember finger tips that meant more than yours did
and its not something im sure i should idealize
when i know it will eventually kill me inside
but im still searching for the same feeling it would give
and you could never make my heart skip a beat the way that it did with him

although i do not compare everything
just the ferocity
and you dull me out
i feel touched on display
miricalized, unknowing

only notice i strain for comfort in silence
i stretch my body from discomfort
as my ribs rise up
you claw for surface
over a body you cannot claim
not when i cant love you that way

you will eventually hate me
when im honest
and beg for empathy
you will remember the way i write
right beside
unknowing and unwilling
to be turned away

but i am indifferent to your dangerous inhibitions
i cant focus on the positive
i so quickly change my intentions
then wait on poetry to make my decisions