insecure/self-assured

but i cant get passed what staying up this late means
petrified, bold
leave me fleeing from the scene
i know not enough
to leave without pieces being left of me

i should have gone at goodbye
should have stayed when you asked for my side

its three a.m. and the bed is still made
knowing i wont get up until the light will fade

and i thought "a slow dance" sounded more like a lullaby
something cognizant of what i should find tonight
but forcing myself to be somewhat alright
rolling my eyes when i can't get by

boiled it down to the sleep in my eyes
but you know the distance
several hundred miles
before i can touch the skies

apparently thats what they boiled it down to
a drop in location = a drop in dreams
i guess they knew more of it than me
'cause since i moved i cant find the sleep

and i know my head is spinning
being perched too long
and eyes hurt
cause my thoughts to blur
too long staring at the bright light
to configure
what i want is more

the ability to say what i mean
when i finally speak
...if i finally speak
not pumping in pills to feel somewhat something
id rather feel slightly obscure
but they think the tendencies will be cured
while i think i'll feel more
not realizing the emptiness is worse than any depth
or confusing what i want with the thoughts in my head

when i asked if you were awake
you asked if i was okay
maybe i should have told you "no"
i made the wrong decision in coming home
thinking i could be helped
but was responded with feeling more alone

i know this doesnt make sense
god, nothing ever really makes sense
does it?
we always just feign interest
pretend for the best

but maybe it never was
you dont have time
just in your nature to be benign
or feel bad because i was of use
and you got screwed

you know im naive
but i like to pretend
i knew it all in the end
bluffing i have the same intentions
but i only ever feel pinned and you win