I tried to find holiness-
extending my search
into a dirty river bed.
Because I believed everything
you said,
I disregarded any lies that were fed.

Now that we have discovered
'the tragedy of the commons'-
an unstable view from the
stable view-
any decision is made through
another notion:
failing, fleeting to commit to
what I grew up in.

But, Jesus, youve let me down
from pitch black living room
ceiling fans while he went down
to wondering if it was my fault
he was a drug-induced clown.

So how do you expect me to
love you ?
Just tell me:
why should I pursue you ?
And gain the risk
of gaining another two
cuts on my wrists ?-
This crimson brilliance:
that was intentional,
but the inside is a mess.