i dont know what to say. begging to let you know i feel the same way. that i get where youre coming from. hoping youll find the hints without me letting it in. maybe i feel more than i realized i did. it just hit a little different. or purely situational. the situation the same as what got your best. understanding how words can make a mess. maybe she didnt mean it. hoping silence will be proof, confused when our lovers act aloof.
she said that i proved a difference, claiming there was something more than indifference, but me knowing we just lack the same stubbornness- probably where you will see how i got out of it. proving i can conceal enough to seem healed. saying its been six years running with no solution to yield. or that unlike you, i have a strong desire to do anything to make everyone happy, but myself. i like to be unhappy. its comfortable. and i can only look up when there's nothing else to lose.
it was only more proof that honesty fucks us, but in the same breath helps us realize what we need and what or who we dont. it will probably help in the long run. i saw something i probably wouldnt have if it hadnt happened, or i would have just stayed; dealing with feeling battered for something out of my control. she said i was making excuses. i asked her what she wanted. i would do anything just to appease her. just to leave. i didnt mean to skip over. i just thought that part was over.
and she said that was something out of her control- that she was bound by obligation, but i was bound by betrayal- only feeling more alone than i should with someone who was getting paid. she could have at least faked it. and i was tied to that chair, not knowing what to do considering if i was done, she was the one who got through. feeling as if i couldnt win. scared there was nowhere else i fit.
i was fine. the hour wait only fueled my hate. i know myself. i know what im capable of. or more importantly, what i am not. but the thing is, the answer was so simple and so obvious. she wasnt bound by anything. she had nothing to lose. i'm fine to the extent that i really can be.
she said that i proved a difference, claiming there was something more than indifference, but me knowing we just lack the same stubbornness- probably where you will see how i got out of it. proving i can conceal enough to seem healed. saying its been six years running with no solution to yield. or that unlike you, i have a strong desire to do anything to make everyone happy, but myself. i like to be unhappy. its comfortable. and i can only look up when there's nothing else to lose.
it was only more proof that honesty fucks us, but in the same breath helps us realize what we need and what or who we dont. it will probably help in the long run. i saw something i probably wouldnt have if it hadnt happened, or i would have just stayed; dealing with feeling battered for something out of my control. she said i was making excuses. i asked her what she wanted. i would do anything just to appease her. just to leave. i didnt mean to skip over. i just thought that part was over.
and she said that was something out of her control- that she was bound by obligation, but i was bound by betrayal- only feeling more alone than i should with someone who was getting paid. she could have at least faked it. and i was tied to that chair, not knowing what to do considering if i was done, she was the one who got through. feeling as if i couldnt win. scared there was nowhere else i fit.
i was fine. the hour wait only fueled my hate. i know myself. i know what im capable of. or more importantly, what i am not. but the thing is, the answer was so simple and so obvious. she wasnt bound by anything. she had nothing to lose. i'm fine to the extent that i really can be.
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