dont want to cover up

the thing about it is
i shouldnt have told
but i was feeling bold

and thought maybe if they know
then maybe i could let go...
but i only wanted to huddle back in my shell
and got reminded of the feelings from when i fell

immediately wishing i could find the scissors
that could free me from how my heart had withered

and i could only last a few minutes
putting myself back in my place
showing myself i could never finish it
i fucked myself in the end

and you have this way of making me feel sick
saying that i got it all twisted
that you hate who i have been
not realizing its who ive always been
but i would pretend

ive been cutting for weeks
replacing my knife with sleep
and loving who i was
every time i proved myself weak

and letting go of feeling low
because i knew it
just knew better than to let it show

but i dont want to cover up anymore
and i used to care
but now i dont want the cure

and right now youre going about the rest of the day
probably about to go to sleep feeling okay
and you may be slightly confused but burden-less
blaming my hurt on the obvious

not realizing it takes more than one to cause this
that lack of sympathy can cause more of this
and tomorrow it will be forgotten
dropped like the blood on my carpet

you said you wanted to see
so full of yourself, you didnt believe me
well, did you see what you wanted to see?
i know you didnt
but your eyes distort what makes my heart free