saw that you liked to smile, you know that it takes a while, takes a risk

you said you heard
some people
youre meant to fall in love with
but theres a difference
and i dont know if i was meant to fill in
the spaces
or if you wanted me to bend
or if you were hoping i would give in

but those people
youre not always supposed to be with
you just learn a lesson
regardless of how you feel during it
like the hurt isnt worth it
but we made our choices
like we make our beds
before sleeping in them

and sometimes you wonder what the point is
knowing there will only be heartbreak in the end
saying goodbye
when we only just started

and i'll say i hate it
the strings lead us in
too far, too late
but there was something made
something learned
something enough
to make it all okay

i know you feel youre lacking
like everything i promise
you know i want it to be true
but it has no backing
because sometimes
even when i want something to be true
when distance sucks
i dont have even the slightest clue

and things are new
enough to make a girl already confused
even more lost
im sorry
i want to give you my heart
i want to give you everything you deserve
because youre a beautiful girl

but right now i cant give you my all
always been in a rush to the start
and bringing me there
in three weeks
ill unknowingly be falling apart
enough as it is

and i love you for it

for being someone amazing to miss
when two girls shared drunken kisses
on the first night they ever spent
you mean more than i could ever explain
knowing ill only miss you more every day i'll spend away

head ache

tell me i look different to you
that time has a way of making us into people you dont want it to

and you could try to explain away the things i know you feel
i know what you want
and i know you dont want what you want to be real

but all this talking gives me a headache
trying to convince you that i believe you
but you know its not true

i just dont get why you would leave that part out
if you were ashamed
or just couldnt remember

because you cant prove skin on skin contact
i want my heart back

but even still
i understand mistakes
too much for my own good
too much for what i know i should

and maybe thats why you wanted to see me
calling me probably two too many times while i was sleeping

maybe he left you weeping
and i was too tired to realize
when its still too dark in my room at six a.m. to look into your eyes

but you made your way too my bed so surely
sneaking in my room hoping the pull of the sheets wouldnt stir me

and then you cuddled close
like it was something i didnt know
you never came back

after that cigarette break
it took you too long to get back

but i made the choice to leave the confrontation out

hate the way you try to hold me
reminds me too much of the bold me
not the one you left lonely

dont want to cover up

the thing about it is
i shouldnt have told
but i was feeling bold

and thought maybe if they know
then maybe i could let go...
but i only wanted to huddle back in my shell
and got reminded of the feelings from when i fell

immediately wishing i could find the scissors
that could free me from how my heart had withered

and i could only last a few minutes
putting myself back in my place
showing myself i could never finish it
i fucked myself in the end

and you have this way of making me feel sick
saying that i got it all twisted
that you hate who i have been
not realizing its who ive always been
but i would pretend

ive been cutting for weeks
replacing my knife with sleep
and loving who i was
every time i proved myself weak

and letting go of feeling low
because i knew it
just knew better than to let it show

but i dont want to cover up anymore
and i used to care
but now i dont want the cure

and right now youre going about the rest of the day
probably about to go to sleep feeling okay
and you may be slightly confused but burden-less
blaming my hurt on the obvious

not realizing it takes more than one to cause this
that lack of sympathy can cause more of this
and tomorrow it will be forgotten
dropped like the blood on my carpet

you said you wanted to see
so full of yourself, you didnt believe me
well, did you see what you wanted to see?
i know you didnt
but your eyes distort what makes my heart free