its not enough and it will never be again

even after my eyes were dry
there were no tears
the blood came oozing
like all of my fears

tell me what that means
that its not my feelings
i didnt realize you felt a thing
at least, not for me

like cold water
ripping me from the seams
that white linen
wrapping us in feathered wings

lost in
i never realized you knew it
burdens
and the way you hurt us

you told me it had ended
well not that it ended
but the lacking words
let me know it was over

so tell me that you love her
so i can burn this clover
and get over the boy who loved me
tell me that its over

am i wrong?

tell me what you think youve figured out
why this lonely girl turns inside-out

maybe i just changed my mind
or saw something i hadnt previously
like that you cant mean more
im just evening the score

i told you everything
so why are you still lost?
while i see right through
with the little things you play into

and im starting with the past
the heartbreak rolling into that
falling fast
and the hurt thats lasts

im not forgetting that
its something important
something we both had
though it could never be that bad

choked up

i used to feel so free
like i could drink up the universe
and be complete

well, right now im feeling completely alone
and desperate
desiring what i could never imagine i needed

hope
because right now
i feel so ...

like nothing
and thats worse than the worst
like i never get what i need

but i dont understand what is needed
but now its been completed
and i just feel defeated

this song is overplayed.
and my heart has overstayed

honestly, you could never make me feel worse about myself than i do. than right now. this darkness reiterates the intensity that is my loss and loneliness. even with a mother's death, i feel more lacking. as if shes impacted me more than i could have ever expected. someone i have never met.
i made an idiot of myself. thinking that was what you wanted. carefree. but truthfully, i am not to be the type that is careless. rather, i am careful and concerned as to what everyone is thinking about me every moment of everyday and once i feel content, i only feel lost again. my blue isnt blue enough, my heart isnt open enough, and my thoughts arent deep enough. i care too much.
while my head is in the future, i am afraid i will never make it there. the past will get the best of me again and maybe next time, i wont make it. i wont awake again with that same nauseating feeling.
bed for a week makes my heart weak. i never thought about what it means, but now i realize this illness is stronger than ever. whenever i believe that everything is perfect, its only a facade. my heart is gone.

trying to finish something but i have no idea where to begin

i dont know where to start
i gave you my heart
then you ripped it apart

hopeless
scratch the hope
i feel less

i expected you were like the first
you made my heart burst
however you were easier to rid

guess i gave you more
than you ever needed
as if youre ego had never been feeded

and youre calling me arrogant?
only reciprocating
what i had seen

much less of a man
i had expected
i guess thats what i get for expecting

and not for protecting
im over these games
ive lost interest

trying to tear apart something that had already ended

thats what scares me the most
the end
the fact that everything that meant so much
is nothing now
and i feel cold

even in these sheets
meant to be shield
my feet are still cold
sending shivers
of how i feel

lost
like everything was a waste of time
because it got us nowhere
it brought us ten steps back
back to where we said "forever"
not knowing it would never last

ive been trying so hard for this poetry
but these streets i grew up on
abandon me
as if it never meant a thing
blood was shed
like the autumn leaves

crimson red with october
burning sage and four leaf clovers
they never did a thing
but raise hope for a lost cause
and tear me apart
with my faith in a god

"the untruth"

youre touch burns through
i used to think of reasons to play through
but now thats far through

poetry about you
rhymes just come in twos
you said you were cleaning up
i say youre cleaning out

ive tried so hard to make it obvious
hoping to god you were reading this
hoping, maybe you would regret it

but i dont think thats happening
and while it was short lived
i couldnt stop laughing

so lets just stop pretending
that theres anything
and that everythings alright

when you wont even speak to me
tell me why youre not speaking to me
because thats the worst thing
you still make my knees go weak.