trace a thinner state that i know

I felt cracked like the skin
Of the people in the paintings
And i felt impatient
I would hate as your eyes gaze
Feel a soft touch
I know the intentions all too well
And it was something i hated
But i cant speak up
My mouth is jaded

The idea that i must go along with it
Claim im sensitive
I am but shallow
Blush because im modest in a way
My heart drops to my stomach
Feel raw when my poetry is mentioned
Its something im proud of
But not something i feel comfortable with
Outside confining walls
Come alive as it gets dark
And my facade fades
I feel the decay

Curling up to sleep in a cage
Not sure if its even comfortable
Contort my body into something beautiful
But i am alone in sheets
And in my bed
Memories that prey on darkness
Feel like a concealed mess
But in my poetry honest

My heart beats as i repeat it
Going over past occurences
How i feel about died out notions
It will get better if i work on it
I dont know if i am
Attempt to follow paths i believe lead to happiness
But i obsess over the negative
Feel swallowed by how ive been molded
And judged because i cant be understood
Stand off when you try to get closer than you ever really could