flightless bird

I am begging myself to feel drunk and brave enough to cut where his hands had touched me before he changed his mind

I thought all my scattered stoned thoughts had made sense

But inspiration is a privilege

 and i tried to force myself to focus on an old flame

That had already died away

So im trying to get myself to feel high and worthless enough to write something i deem of value

Because i know this is where i lay

And turn my music up enough to get lost 
Ill feel my heart and breathing match the rhythm

But not listen

Obsess over a poetic reputation

He made me feel something i didnt think that he could

Confused currently on the cusp of crying

I feel it welling inside of me

Now i am over the edge enough

To divulge the truth

Honest about my insecurities

I speak nervous and softly

Fuck up my words because im struggling

My train of thought comes to a hault

In a silence too comfortable

It is overwhelming

I roll my eyes and hope you think im lovely

My intentions are sweet

But theyre compromising

I am divergent 

But write repetitively

I will be anything you could want me to be

Forever in the pursuit of an affection

Something i must feel i lack as i lay in this bed again