overwhelming awareness

justifying we're just two different people
filtering what you say
begging my heart to flutter
but it doesnt the right way

burning for evidence
im not totally heartless
just some concealed mess
hoping you'll find the purpose
or if im using you

as a recreational drug
or someone to get my mind off
someone who fucked me over
im not supposed to love her
or another aid in getting off
that was really the same as number two....

i just liked the way it sounds....
as if i was stronger

i harbor resentment
probably against the wrong person
claiming she took my focus away
knowing better
she never even filled the space

really i was sluggish
and unsure
while he knew his place
self-aggrandizing
with the wedges he makes

again the resentment misplaced
saying i hate getting drunk
but its because of the person it wakes
an honest version of me

drunken courage id rather hide away
claiming things id rather not say
and despite the fact that you know
i still feel my heart is caged

so maybe thats why i cant move
claiming ive made so many feats
just need time to get on my feet...
pretending i'm past it

but im so stuck
and maybe im trying to change you
because i think i can change if you do