too weak in the mind

lying sideways
and head propped though its a nuisance
im pressing hard
trying to make head-way
but thoughts locked in a clear case
its a nuisance

i am not what the pictures say
or maybe i am
boil it down to the surfaces of my skin
and curves that mean more than
they say pictures are worth a thousand words

and pulling the covers up
trying to cover skin
as if i care who sees in
thats not a problem
pulling the covers up
trapping myself
holding my breath
and avoiding the light being let in
through my somewhat
or makeshift marrakesh curtain
it never occurred

im writing differently
in some sad attempt to seem absolute
ridiculous still bound by
someone else's truth
still bound by
not cutting so he couldnt see me
a prison
becoming stricter
when i placed the scars so no one could see me
its all a nuisance
bottoms drop out
and the scissors come for blood shedding vengeance
i dont care enough
to stop it
or to let in
feel the need to sleep on it

but also recognize old tendencies
are tomorrow's fantasies
i know better
or i dont care
but rolling my eyes at the time
wondering if i'll be cured
or only feel slightly alright
either is true
not concerning myself
with feeling less abused
i know i should give up
but not enough to make an active effort
i enjoy embarrassing myself