west coast or not my home

you only say youre sorry

after youve invaded my borders

and before questioning my comfort zone

i know youre laying beside me

but ive never felt more alone

i only ever feel raw and unprotected

when your fingers graze down my spine

or arm wraps around me tight

before i can say thats not something i can like

a quick reminder men take what they can have

and a little bit of me every time i feel it flashing back

and it pisses me off that you packed a tie

a complete misdirection of where i was headed

when you are nothing of what i know ive wanted

a bit too eager to praise the audience

when i bury my bones in the backyard

for reckless boys like you to harvest

so you remind me of everything i know i cant handle
staying up too late to hatch my escape or over-think
the way i feel suffocated and incapable to speak
too often, tripping over memories that make me sink

i try to preoccupy myself with more important things

people back home practicing knots for nooses out of shoestrings

or breaking their back to not change anything

i am not like any of them

my heart breaks to convince that there is anything redeeming

when we know more of damaging feelings