you keep moving, but where are you going?

so i left, but thats not the whole story

holding onto what it meant

realizing your intentions

and what i wished i would be

weren't totally matching

and conversations proving

there was experience lacking

now poetry showing

i still get hung up on things

which prove how unhinged i can be

knowing i only love you

because masochism is sweet

cutting like you'll never get to me

and pictures sent showing just how balanced

the pictures weren't blurred

proving my hearts' distance from the use of my curves

and i remember lips against skin

feeling as detached as you

too drunk to remember having me pinned

so why did i place so much emphasis

on my own importance

based off of someone who only wanted me

after having been drunk again

you were not worth it

but begging to only remember the positive

despite the experience

you proved a lack of enlightenment

telling me not to move

as if i dont know what my own body is into

but despite barely meeting expectations

i spent my last night in your car

when the alcohol you had ingested should have had you bent over

instead being careless and an idealist

had me bent over

i didnt know what it meant when you said youd write
recognizing our tendencies
the conversations always lacking in backing
but you surprised me again
falling through
as if to reiterate i should fall through you
and over you
prove im nothing new

the numbers stack up
and all barricade against me
sexual experiences i cant beat
but prove youre everything like me in the least
but our bodies are the only way we'll meet
understanding with you, if it is love
then it is defeat

people change and forget to tell each other

and like i said

too torn up to let you know

you fucked me over

telling me it was a chance to grow

so i have to ask this

because the need to clarify

is something someone stupid and seventeen

would need to get by

if there was ever any chance
keys sticking
but fingers ticking
begging to get by

so lets surpass the passion
fueled by my own loneliness
and get to what it really meant
when you said i needed to get a few more drinks in
already buzzed
my head was fuzz
mistaking your desire to get in
for being a southern gentlemen

but days after i left
let known promises wouldn't be kept
you never asked for the address
complaining i cant stay
as you helped me get dressed

but i cant say i know anything about you
playing would you rather
from the sleep-deprived thoughts i could gather
it never did much
still searching for words in between touch
and knowing better than to wonder if i was better
or if miles just mean something
as in more than i realized hours could be

and questioning now
what the point is
struggling now to get any answers in
wondering nights if roads could lead me there
for the nights stayed, what would the sheets bare?

we were drunkenly tangled until six a.m.
but falling asleep bred emptiness
on opposite sides of the bed
i woke up not knowing what i had been
or even what was expected
your best friend leaping to tell mine
i left without anything being said

so thats where im lost
with you knowing i'll be there when youre drunk
but me knowing all too well that sex isnt love

i am cavalier, you could dissapear

you said you dont want to jump
but all the same made the diving motion
towards a died out notion
that anything could be missed between us
missing the point
that my poetry stays as it was

months ago when  i made the decision
days ago when i ignored your mention
"that you know me"
but not recognizing
it was never just poor timing
and that people aren't things to be known
only memories of bodies we'd hold
and being seventeen last summer
i was careless and bold

and careless is meant
as in i could never care less
i know,
heartless.
but making us out to be anything
would be an overstatement
....leave the witness leading

and if you never recognized before
i never cared any more than i do now
questionnaires held only on one end
speaking my mind
ignoring your lines
and even more,
getting pissed
whenever you shared your less than approved opinion
and i kissed your best friend
with the only regret
being that expectations weren't met
and even more
doing so knowing it was your roommates' bet
to tear apart your safety net

so pin me down with all of them
i am who ive always been
but still being doe-eyed at twenty
you had the wrong impression of me