something sexy

i dont think i could be dreaming.
dreaming is sweet
leaving is leaving
something's sour; something's bleeding

while i could never reconcile with this war that youve been feeling
ill stitch up your wounds so that they can start healing
though I could never subdue a pain that i lack
i hope to god, you like where you're at.

no, i am not.

because burial grounds are burdens
i pick my bones up and keep on moving
rather than tie up lose ends
its so much easier on me to maintain the ruins

you dont get to state when its over
you forgot
i made the wish on the clover
you told me you loved me, we were both sober

now you claim we're so over?

theres no way you could vindicate this
when you promised
you knew there was a risk
but you still cause the slits on my wrists.

i hope you know this

in a few months you will regret
saying i no longer fit
when im filled with bliss
and youre feeling like shit

i have no sympathy, not even a little bit

youre such a weak little bitch

are we lackluster?

or are we just lacking?
or lost?
like lullabies, loving;
losing and longing?

im feeling detached
broken, no longer matched
like forever was a lie
we were just telling ourselves
to pass the time.

is honesty too far-fetched for us?
are we too fragile?
is it really that easy to be crushed?
can we not admit what we had could be just?

but you knew i always yearn for more
im never happy with the score
can we justify with that?
i needed more and you needed more
and neither of us were going to get that from each other

theres no reason to apologize
and you saying you miss me wont change the lies
nor the facts
neither of us will ever be happy with what we had.

and thats okay
it all ended where it should stay
im sorry
you never held my heart that May.

romancing the past

chasing demons was like a vacation
minus the trip.
i wondered if i deserved it
for the things i hadnt said
when i wasnt praying to him

i wondered if this was punishment
or a coincidental bitch
'cause it really seemed like it fit
was it a mistake?
because i would never change it.

but these nightmares scar
reminding me the past is never too far
and the slits on her wrists
trace a delicate list
marking yet another thing she missed

like the pills that made her sick
and the boy whom made her heart skip
i yearned to be the drug to mend her
sinking ship
but when she needed me,
i could only keep a tight lip

and then there was the boy
who felt like a broken toy
he was far too shy, too coy
to let me be his source of joy

it hurts to chase ceiling fans
to go back to where a man marked his territory
on a little girl too young to understand
and a jury who failed to understand

and the blood that cured more
when the skin was tore
when the heart hit the floor
then my feet hit the ocean's shore

who will love you?

the intent was not to hurt you
but rather, to enforce that your caress has lost its zen
and your words, they lost their sting.

remember, i confessed what i could not control
but you dangle from my words like a cliff
you can't just change your mind and expect everything will be alright

regardless of how cruel you claimed i was
i would never do that to you
i would never cut your heart strings, then change my mind

forgiveness is not given, but earned
much like love, but we both know what you do not wish to admit
you give your heart to easy to a girl whose been jaded far too much to care.

perfection does not bring joy, i discovered
it causes jealousy and self consciousness
and makes you sick and annoyed.

im sorry im incapable of giving what you're so fond of lending
when i warned you, you told me you wouldn't mind
until you changed your mind.

but that doesn't leave me lacking and wondering as you had wished
instead, i was pissed- followed shortly by forget
i move on while you hold on.

i changed my mind: i hope you forget.