if you desire proof

I grew up questioning doubt
I learned to question faith
I chose to question love
Because everything I ever questioned
proved to keep me safe.

I never chose my battles
each encounter led to one.
I never chose to speak my mind
it came naturally.
I resented that,
now i question my own motives.

I tried things
because I desired maturity
because of that,
I became something I regret.
now I question my own morals.

I proved I lacked subtlety.
I proved I lacked faith
and went against fate
when I chose my path.
And now Im recovering.

if you desire closure

they say finger prints,
theyre never one in the same.
i wondered if that could hold true to other things
hoping i could get out of the blame.

i feel like every time i hit the ground running
i trip
and whenever i jump through hoops
i never stick the flip.

i feel more than awful this time,
i broke my promise
he turned me on
and i reopened my scars

if he didnt want me then,
why would he want me now
and could the same hold for my boy
could he change his mind.

i feel really terrible
its all my fault
he loves me
but i dont walk the talk

you always yearn for what you dont have.