Corpse and wood

You swore you could see right through my coffee cup littered floorboard

Had worn that aesthetic before you got bored

And you bet its so petty

Like being spanked as a child

Go on "its a flawed system of justified abuse"

When you have a child, you know what youll do

While i think i should be less sensitive

Before i leave in a tangent

Say more than i should on the subject

It is always more of me than i should have shared

Fuck the boys who are loose with their words and crowned sensitive

While i am better off dismissive

I had never spoken up to you or anyone with such confidence

Yet It still came out as whimpering, helpless softness

But you let me finish

When I should have just steeped in the air of injustice 

Spared the awkward silence 

But "i grew up from a humble background"

And my parents owned a home on a street with grass that buried my feet

Shame by the time i was 9

I had felt the bloody nose of defeat

you are lying too

As you are prying through

Some feigned idea of understanding

Guessing childhood traumas

Like its a game you're landing

It is digging up graves for the haunted

So i can reface everything i was told you wanted

Your rootless, divine ignorance makes me jealous

When you say such beautiful things

I disregard

you are exaggerating me

And grasping at strings

To make me blush

Everything you guess is a flush

And everything you said you wanted when you were getting to know me

Caught me up and made me weak

Only for this honesty to change what you think

april-14

i am itching my skin
peeling off the sunburn of my decisions
it is just as agitating as knowing you are not who you said you would be
that you are closer now to a crutch named "happy"
because im still too young to be your drinking buddy
instead i watch you etch my brother into a carbon copy

so i wonder if im burning holes in my brain
just trying to relate
when she said you were different
i knew, that means more than youd ever been
lost the light in your eyes
yours were duller than mine this time

remembered skipping stones, playing hopscotch
while you preach to me that there is no god
and it all made too much sense
coming from someone i trusted
who had seen more than i can now glorify
i hate that you still make me cry sometimes
wonder what a father who loved god could have been like

we played monopoly on a sunday night
and now im glad you won
that you took advantage before anyone
recite that the shitty things that make me weak
will make me stronger
just give it a week

so i gave it two years
and now i am just as confident that you would remember my name
as much as i could recognize your face
ashamed to say i cried water under the bridge for a minute
before i remind myself the thinning alcohol does to blood
pissed now my crutch cant be Noah's flood
id jump the boat sooner
than you can regurgitate your habit
you can numb your mouth
and mine as i watch
sickly comforted to know
it wont be long
that my friends dont watch for articles
about being dead and unknown